Honi Soit Qui Mal y Pense Shame on those who think evil of it[1]
Drew’s Response to the Complaints by Complainant 1 AS and Complainant 2 AW
Both the complaints, written by the PSU Director, contain descriptions of general broad categories of actions with no specific dates and no allegation of abuse or harm. They contain insinuations of possible misconduct. Both these complaints are written and signed only by the Director Lachlan Bryant. Our requests for Statutory Declarations setting out full details of the complaints (rather than generalisations) and signed by the complainants have continually been denied.
Complainant 1 AS
The complaint correctly states the dates during which the complainant was a minor (under 18 years old) as 2001-2004. However, in the following seven points, not all of the activities described happened in this time period.
Being Alone Together
For seven years, Complainant 1 was my paid Youth Ministry Assistant (from 2002-2008). This required us to spend time together for the purpose of planning the various youth ministry programs and writing material for youth bible studies. In addition Complainant 1 was the Junior High Director for Friday night, and had oversight of the Junior High Sunday Morning Program. These roles again required time together discussing ministry issues. We met in the church office facility, or in the lounge of our apartment attached to that facility. Other people were onsite, windows were uncovered and doors unlocked.
I also mentored Complainant 1 for three years (2002 – 2004) from when he was a minor. This was done at his home or mine with his mum or my wife present in the home as well. Complainant 1 expressed interest in becoming a youth minister and the desire to accept the roles and responsibilities he was given in the youth ministry. I sought to develop his gifts and skills in ministry. Complainant 1 did choose a career in youth ministry. Does it not make sense to spend time with a youth minister prior to entering fulltime study for youth ministry immediately after high school? I deplore the insinuation that the time a youth minister spends alone with a youth is for the purpose of sexual grooming.
Giving Massages
It was no secret that I gave massages. I gave massages to those with muscle injury or ache to relieve pain. I gave massages to those involved in regular strenuous exercise as a preventative to injury or strain. I gave massages to those who were stressed, to help them physically relax. The youth knew, the youth leaders knew, my wife knew. Depending on the need, I massaged shoulders, back and legs. It is not an illegal act to give or receive a massage. Giving Complainant 1 a massage was a gift. I did not demand a massage in return but would have received one if offered. I did not have any sexual agenda in giving anyone massages. I never took advantage of Complainant 1 or anyone else during any of the massages I gave. I genuinely thought they benefited from them. Complainant 1 never said “I am uncomfortable with you giving me a massage”.
Giving Massages to youth at City2Surf
One year, when I took a group to participate in mission at the City2Surf, we had a group of Junior High boys running the race. I thought that they were unprepared for the event. As a precautionary measure I gave them each a massage, shoulders, back and legs. The room in which I gave the massages, was next to the hall that everyone else was in. The door was not locked and Complainant 1 entered the room during one of the massages. Not one of the boys has ever complained about receiving this massage. It was no secret that I gave this massage. I did not take advantage of anyone during this massage. Not one of the boys said “I feel uncomfortable with you giving me a massage”. One boy, who was not running, even asked if he could receive a massage too. My aim was to be helpful not harmful.
Sharing Accommodation
At the point that Complainant 1 was my Youth Ministry Assistant we had a number of camps as part of the overall program. We ran these camps together. We were the two male Directors, not cabin leaders. It made practical sense that we would share accommodation. We were also both coach drivers so we required good sleep. Additionally I was informed by Complainant 1’s mother that he did not operate well when lacking sleep. I had the daily stress of organizing up to 80 teenagers for transport, food and various activities. I was a Dad to three young children. I was always tired and needed uninterrupted sleep. Both Complainant 1 and I were quiet sleepers. All this made it good sense to share our accommodation.
When complainant 1 was in year 12, I was concerned that the amount of time he was spending on youth ministry activities, would affect his study. Therefore I made it clear to him that he was under no obligation to attend the camps. It was purely his choice to do so.
Sharing a double bed mattress
Many of the houses we used for accommodation for weekends away, had a double bed as part of the sleeping arrangement. If this was the case, then female leaders shared in their house and male leaders shared in our house.
When camping, I already owned a double bed mattress that I used with a double bed doona. Complainant 1 brought his sleeping gear and I brought mine. We shared the mattress. I thought he was amicable with this arrangement. I resent the conclusion drawn by the PSU that sharing a mattress denotes a sexual intention.
Sharing a double sleeping bag on the 6ft Track
Although Complainant 1 was not a minor at this time, I will clarify what took place. Complainant 1 informed me that he had not had time to do the “camping” element of his Duke of Edinburgh Award, due to youth group commitments. Therefore, he could not receive the award. I researched various options for him to use youth group camps to complete this component but these were rejected. So Complainant 1 planned a short hike, which we did on the coast and a long hike in the Blue Mountains. The time of year was July school holidays. We went with full knowledge that it would be very cold. We took my wife’s and my thermal sleeping bags, as Complainant 1’s sleeping bag was too heavy, too large and not geared for low temperatures.
The Duke of Edinburgh program is designed to bring out peoples’ strengths and weaknesses. We discovered ours on this trip. Complainant 1’s back did not handle the weight of his pack by day. I carried the majority of his load during the day. I did not handle the cold at night. The temperature dropped to three below zero. Although I was dressed in full length thermals with head covered, I still could not stop shaking with the cold. I joined the two bags to make one big double sleeping bag for warmth. I was afraid we would suffer hypothermia. Complainant 1 was not keen and said so, but my agenda was practical and nothing sexual occurred. We shared a double sleeping bag for 2 nights. The PSU has deliberately exaggerated this story by telling people that we shared one sleeping bag.
Mentoring Retreats
These retreats were valuable ‘time-outs’ and a sign of my gratitude to Complainant 1 for all his hours dedicated to the youth ministry. I am particularly hurt by the insinuation that “mentoring retreats” has a sinister tone. We often concluded a period of mentoring during these escapes, but Complainant 1 and I both knew that these times were designed to be fun. I wanted to introduce this concept to Complainant 1 for his ministry teams in the future. I would be very surprised if now he does not take his own leaders away on retreats for spiritual mentoring and in order to enjoy time together.
Pornography
During the years of mentoring, Complainant 1 confided in me that he thought he had a sexual addiction to pornography and as a result was a compulsive masturbator. As his youth minister, I took on the role of counselling in this issue. It is such a common issue for many youth in our churches today. I guarantee every youth minister will face it. Talking about masturbation with a minor is now seen as abuse by the PSU and yet when we asked the PSU what they are currently training youth ministers to do when this inevitable question or concern is brought to them, they could not provide an answer.
How does a person break the destructive cycle of pornography and masturbation? With the addiction to pornography, the Christian male stuck in the addiction, knows it is destructive, but they have no method to change. Promise Keepers give helpful guidelines for sexual accountability which is essential in this area. Based on the feedback I received from Complainant 1, I believed that he had, at last, some way of keeping his addiction at bay. I never enquired which web-sites he used nor viewed any pornographic material with him.
Masturbation
Complainant 1 asked for help in this very sensitive area of his personal life. When dealing with the issue of masturbation, the person has to decide whether they want to stop masturbating altogether or whether they want to masturbate without lustful thoughts. I am fully aware that the debate rages over both alternatives but this is still a real issue being faced every day by Christian Youth and the church is generally not good at providing answers. Complainant 1 at times opted to stop masturbating. I supported him in that goal. At other times he decided to masturbate but not sin. I supported him in that goal. To achieve his goal the person needs to
- Recognize vulnerable times and situations and actively put alternatives in place,
- Retrain themselves not to use pornography or mind images when masturbating,
- Rethink how and why they masturbate
Complainant 1 kept an account in brief form to track his progress in this area. From his feedback, I was of the belief that he was godly in his sexuality and that the counselling had been immensely helpful to him.
This was merely one goal of four set for mentoring each year. We discussed the issue as only one section of a two hour meeting once a month. It was not a goal in the first year of mentoring. Complainant 1 was almost 17 and over the age of consent. It does not makes sense that at 16, a minor can legally be involved in a sexual relationship with someone older but if they seek help to be Godly in their sexuality, an adult is not allowed to talk to them about masturbation, according to the PSU.
Swimming and Running
I was swimming and running as part of my regular exercise regime well before Complainant 1 joined the youth ministry team. When Complainant 1 chose to join me for a week of work experience in Year 10, we included this exercise. When this week concluded, Complainant 1 was keen to join me running or swimming alternatively once a week. The first time he ran with me he could not complete the course. When we swam, he stopped at the end of the pool each lap. My aim in taking him running and swimming was to increase his overall fitness and endurance in order to model a healthy balance in life and ministry. This had always been helpful for me, particularly with dealing with the pressures of full time ministry. This was yet another practical gift I offered him. I would not be surprised if he has maintained regular exercise as a result.
Wearing Speedos
When we began swimming regularly, Complainant 1’s inhibitions forced him to wear board shorts while doing laps. On a practical note, I had a discussion with him about wearing speedos instead, which he didn’t seem to mind and wore his school swimmers. Eventually these old swimmers began to sag. So when I was at a sports warehouse, I contacted him to find out his size and purchased swimmers on sale for both of us. My gift was for practical not sexual reasons. If he had needed runners, I probably would have purchased those instead. For his 18th birthday I arranged for friends and family to pool our money to purchase him ski gear.
Complainant 1 wore speedos in public and did not seem to be concerned. He wore them when at the beach with his friends when I was not even present. Being raised in a beach culture, I always wore speedos as did my peers. Whether people like it or not, it is part of our Aussie culture and our current Prime Minister wears them too. If it is now viewed by the church as abusive, then we best contact the Prime Minister’s office to inform him of his “grooming behaviour”.
Nudity
All the complainants come from the same private boys’ school. This school has a documented history of sexual abuse, which created their paranoid culture. I grew up in a co-ed school which did not suffer from such issues.
Public showers have areas for male showering and it is accepted that people will be naked. Complainant 1 was always awkward with such things and I was not. We differed in our opinion but I never told him to take his swimmers off. Others, with whom I swam, kept their swimmers on, as was Complainant 1’s choice. I have witnessed Anglican ministers of the Inner West showering naked at these pools. Should we also report them for their carefree attitude?
Apology
When I began work at the church in 1998, I wrote a Code of Conduct specifically for youth ministry based on the Code of Conduct for Clergy – January 1998 and faithfully taught it to my leaders every year. In 2005, Complainant 1 and I attended the first Faithfulness in Service training in Ryde. At this point I realised how inadequate the diocese’s 1998 document had been and rewrote much of my document to make it far more specific to youth ministry and sent it to the then Director of Anglican Youthworks. I then convinced the Senior Minister to introduce training by the diocese for everyone in the parish who was involved with children. Does this sound like someone wanting to conceal sinister desires?
After the Faithfulness in Service training we ran at our church, in 2006, Complainant 1 began to express that he was upset about ways in which he felt I had overstepped his relational boundaries. I was genuinely concerned. We had also both attended Peacewise Christian Resolutions to Conflict Training in 2007. I thought that a written apology was an appropriate, biblical tool that he would understand. I wrote this first apology to show I was sincerely sorry for causing him hurt and desired to maintain a good relationship with him. I offered for him to have someone join us to witness the apology but he declined. I did not make any excuses. I made an apology. This first apology is seen as further abuse by the PSU.
Given that Complainant 1 asked me to pray at his wedding in 2009 and showed me over his new youth ministry, and continued to stay in regular contact, I was of the impression that the apology had been accepted. We included Complainant 1 on our correspondence list whilst travelling Australia in 2011-2012 and updated him as to our future ministry prospects. I had no reason to do otherwise. It was a shock when we received his text message on November 11, 2012 saying he was talking to the PSU and saying he did not wish to speak to me again.
Complainant 2 (AW)
From the extensive email/ Facebook investigation that Complainant 1 conducted with PSU approval, one additional complaint was received.
Letter to Complainant 2’s friend (!)
Complainant 2 lodged a complaint on behalf of his friend. During the early years of my youth ministry in the Inner West, one of the private boys’ schools in the parish sent their students on a three month camp at their property on the South Coast NSW. It was my habit to keep in contact with members of our youth ministry during this time by writing letters.
It was no secret that I did this and even the boy’s sister was aware of my correspondence with her brother, so it was a safe assumption that the parents would have been aware as well.
The boy was a young Christian finding life at camp difficult for his faith. He wrote openly about this and I returned his letters. The last letter I received, was only a week before his return. I wrote a response in haste so it would get to him as I was keen for him to know that Confirmation Classes were beginning shortly after his return. As his parents were not Christians and he and his sister had become committed believers, I played a Christian parent role with him. Hence I signed the letter “special friend”. I did not intend this phrase or any of the letters’ content to have sexual intent.
His mother found the letter and assumed the worst. I spoke with her several times and met with his father once. I spoke with the Senior Minister to notify him of all that had taken place. I instructed the boy and his sister that should they be forced to side with either me or their mother, that they must honour their parent. I encouraged them that when they were adults they could continue to attend church. A number of weeks later, the mother did choose to withdraw both her children and my discussions with her ended.
From this point on all correspondence to boys on this camp, was sent to parents first for their approval.
I have met with the boy on several occasions since, sometimes in the company of Complainant 2. His conduct has never indicated to me that he shared his mother’s view. I still grieve that as a result of this misunderstanding, he and his siblings are not believers in Christ.
Until our discussion with the PSU in November 2013, I was unaware that a formal complaint had been received by them concerning this letter. They had never spoken to me regarding this matter. They have on their files that the matter had been “dealt with” in 2000 but have refused to clarify what this means.
In addition, as the friend is an adult not, to my knowledge, under any mental disability, the actions of the PSU in accepting this complaint from a person at one degree of separation is abusive in itself: the PSU should have contacted the friend to find out whether this man wished even to make a complaint, before passing the complaint onto me – yet another example of the bullying behaviour that I faced in the first meeting with Lachlan Bryant and Peter Barnett.
Sharing of Sexual Story
Complainant 2 makes the allegation that I shared a personal sexual story of my youth with a confirmation group in 2000 when he was in year 9.
Although the general story is true, it is not one that I am proud of and therefore would be very hesitant to share with anyone.
I definitely never told this story to any confirmation group. Complainant 2 has never found anyone to back up this allegation and I challenge him to provide such evidence.
I do not know how he became aware of this story, but given the error in various details in his complaint, it sounds more like the result of gossip rather than “sexual grooming” as implied.
Mentoring
In 1999-2001, I sought formal training in Mentoring through John Mark Ministries. Complainant 2 would have been one of the first youth to whom I offered mentoring. I would never have asked him to talk about his sexual fantasies and he never did.
Following the guidelines in which I had been trained by this highly respected training program under which I operated, the one being mentored was asked to choose up to 4 goals in various areas of their life. Given his age and that this was the beginning of the mentor relationship, it is extremely unlikely that he would have chosen sexual issues to discuss. I can only conclude that Complainant 2 was recalling the list of possible goals which included ‘prayer, bible reading, evangelism, leadership, public speaking, relationships and sexuality’.
The Mentoring program included one session of two hours duration once a month, not one to two hours a week as Complainant 2 has incorrectly stated.
To my knowledge Complainant 2 only lasted two months in this program, overall 4 hours discussion, which is barely enough time to set mentoring goals. When he failed to arrive for a session, I rang his father to ask where he was and was told Complainant 2 did not want to continue being mentored. As mentoring is governed by the desire of the mentoree to be mentored, it ended.
Massage
When Complainant 2 was 19 years of age, he was an adult Senior High leader on a Year 12 camp in Jervis Bay. Because the activity of snorkelling with fins often resulted in cramps in calves, I had a kit with oil, liniment and Nurofen gel with me on this camp. When Complainant 2 complained of having a sore back, I offered to give him a massage and he accepted. At the campsite, he lay on the airbed in my tent. The tent was open and all the actions were visible to anyone passing by. I massaged his lower back where he complained of being sore. I did not massage his buttock. But take note of the following aspect of his description: he says that when he asked me to stop, I did! It is a fact that I would not massage anyone who was uncomfortable or asked me to stop. At least he got one detail right.
Conclusions about Complainant 2’s complaint
It is clear that Complainant 2’s desire is to provide a corroborative complaint for Complainant 1. He has searched for anything he could think of that could be counted against me, whether it was his own complaint or not, and whether it was true or not. He has consistently provided incorrect details and has no supportive evidence.
He has done more damage to his friend and many others by labelling my actions “grooming”. Now they have a misinterpretation in common but nothing more.
I categorically reject the insinuation that my relationship with Complainant 2 or his friend was ever for the purpose of sexual gratification.
Even when Complainant 2 was told that my actions were grooming, his considered response was that if we were to meet socially again, we should not talk about this matter…. Hardly the response of a victim!
Complainant 2 was never the target of sexual grooming. At the most, the appropriate Christian response should have been a discussion between both parties, not a ‘witch hunt’.